The Underland Chronicles Survivor
by Ares Is Awesome
Summary: One of those weird script stories... the Underland has a Survivor competition-thingy! Who will outwit, outlive, and outlast them all? Rated T for maybe making a few people mentally vomit with goodness fun stuff like incest and implied homosexuality! Yay!
1. HeadBANEing

Random announcer dude: This is... TUC(which AIA doesn't own) Survivor: An annoying little script story formated to fit the reality show (That is also not AIA-owned) that AIA used to watch. With your host: The Character Executioner!

AIA: -shoots look-

Random announcer dude: -cowers in fear- I mean... -shudders- with your host: AIA!

AIA: Better. -bows-

Readers: -halfheartedly cheer-

AIA: Ok, then. Do you all know how this works?

Readers: Not a clue.

AIA: I'll explain it then, okay?

Readers: Sure.

AIA: Well, there are two tribes with nine people-

Ripred: -clears throat- Ahem...

AIA: -glares- People and rats.

Ares: -clears throat-

AIA: -shoots look at Ripred again- People, rats, and bats-

Temp: -clicks in annoyance-

AIA: Oh for the love of Ripred! Can't the term people refer to everyone here?!?

Ripred: People love me?

AIA: -sighs- It's just an expression.

Ripred: Ha.

AIA: What was I even saying?

Ripred: I have no idea.

Gregor: Nine people...?

Ripred: And rats.

Ares: And bats.

Temp: Crawlers, too, there be, crawlers, too.

AIA: Oh, yes, right. There are two tribes of nine _creatures. _The tribes have to compete in challenges for immunity and rewards. The losers of each challenge vote someone off of their tribe.

Ripred: Ok, vote out Pearlpet now.

Bane: Twirltongue says I'm not a loser! I am king! I am not a loser!

Ripred: Why is he here again?

AIA: For comic relief. And because-

Bane: 73H 134N3 900N5!

Ripred: Wtf? Zom ths isnt aim

AIA: Argh! Enough of the chat speak! Don't make me kill you all of in one-shots!

Ripred: -.-

AIA: No chat faces, either!

Ares: -glares at Bane and Ripred- Can we get on with this? I have to get shunned by humanity later, I don't want to miss it.

AIA: Exactly! That's why we love you, Ares.

Ares: I mean you, too. Get on with it. I need to sulk and avoid people, maybe wear some tight pants and write poetry. I have to straighten my fur.

AIA: Fine. -cough-emo bat-cough-

Gregor: Leave him alone, okay?

AIA: Whatever.

Howard: -pokes AIA- Can you please get on with it, though? I have to get chased by fangirls later.

AIA: Where was I again?

Ripred: We get to vote the losers like Pearliegirlie off.

Bane: I am not a loser! I am king!

Twirltongue: That's right, Bane, you're the king. You tell them. Show them that you are king.

Gregor: Who invited her?

AIA: -glares- Someone with a death wish, obviously.

Ripred: Since you, AIA, are obviously incompetent enough to explain what happens, I will.

AIA: I'm competent!

Ripred: -growls- Then explain, already!

AIA: Fine, I will. Yeesh.

Ripred: Go on.

AIA: -glares- The nine tribes

Gregor: Nine tribes of nine people? We're having Ninety people here? I don't think there are that many characters. And you suck at making OCs, so don't even try.

AIA: At least I can do math! Nine times nine is eighty-one, you idiot!

Ripred: -exasperated- This is hopeless. My turn.

Luxa: Gregor is not an idiot!

AIA: And this is coming from the person who was poked in the eye by a two-year-old...

Luxa: -blushes, glares, draws sword-

AIA: -laughs- Don't try to kill me, I'm the most violent and lethal fanfic writer for TUC. I can kill you over and over in various painful ways. Or torture you.

Ripred: -loudly- AFTER NINE CREATURES ARE GONE, THE TRIBES MERGE INTO ONE TRIBE, UNLESS ONE TRIBE -cough- mine -cough- IS AMAZING ENOUGH TO GET THE OTHER ONE DOWN TO THREE MEMBERS.

Luxa: -oblivious- What is this "fanfic" and how do you kill someone with it?

AIA: -points to Gregor and the Plight of Flesh- It's a story. See that one? I killed you with a swarm of mites.

Luxa: -confused- I was not killed with a swarm of mites, though.

AIA: -sighs-

Ripred: Are you two done?

AIA: Mebbeh...

Ripred: What?

AIA: Maybe...

Bane: Chocolate!

Ripred: Whatever. After the merge, there is individual immunity from getting voted off, but only one dominant being -cough- me -cough- gets it.

AIA: Oh, are we already explaining about that?

Ripred: Where have you been?

AIA: I space out a lot

Ripred: Okay then...

AIA: Yep.

Twirltongue: -to Gregor softly- You're not an idiot... AIA's the idiot... you can kill AIA... then you'll be host.

Gregor: -in awe- Host? I can be host?

Twirltongue: Yes...

AIA: NO! No! You demonic rat! -prepares to slay-

Bane: Twirly! No! Don't kill Twirly!

Twirltongue: Don't call me Twirly!

Ripred: FOCUS! WHAT'S YOUR PLAN? TO START THIS EVER OR TO LET US DIE OF OLD AGE?!?!?

AIA: Chill out Ripred, are you PMSing or something?

Ripred: -glares-

Aurora: Can we start this ever?

AIA: Aurora! I didn't know you were here! I honestly didn't know what your voice sounds like. I've never heard you speak!

Aurora: -blushes-

Twitchtip: I knew she was here.

AIA: Oh, you're here, too! Excellent! Lets get started. then!

Ripred: -mutters- Thank me...

Ares: -cough- egotistical rat -cough

AIA: Yes, thank you Ares.

Howard: Let us start, then, shall we?

AIA: Yep!

Ripred: So...how do we pick the tribes?

AIA: Uh... school yard pick 'em?

Howard: What is a school?

Luxa: What is a yard?

Bane: What is a 'em?

Ripred: An. An 'em.

AIA: Figure it out on your own.

Twirltongue: I should be a captain...

AIA: Fine. Twirltongue's a captain!

Henry: Sexy Henry's here!

Luxa: -squeals- Henry!

Howard, Gregor, and AIA: Um... aren't you cousins?

Luxa: -blushes- Maybe...

Henry: In the Middle Ages in Europe, cousins used to marry each other all the time!

Ripred: In the Middle Ages in Europe, everyone had Hemophilia.

Ares: Shouldn't we be doing something?

Bane: -sings- Popular! You're gonna be Popular! I'll teach you the proper poise when you talk to boys, little ways to flirt and flounce.

Temp: Picking, we were, picking.

Bane: -still singing- Ooh! I'll show you what shoes to wear, how to fix your hair, everything that really-

Ripred, Twitchtip, and Twirltongue: -smack the Bane-

Bane: Ow!

Ripred: Cut it out! We're doing something productive!

AIA: Yes, we are. Twirltongue and Henry are captains.

Twirltongue: I want the Bane.

Ripred: Do you?

Twirltongue: He will be king. I do.

AIA: -shudders- Well, as long as this isn't TwirltonguexRipred, we're okay. Henry?

Henry: Luxa!

Everyone: No!

Henry: -looks at AIA- But... but...

AIA: No, Henry. Pick someone else.

Henry: -glares- Fine. Ares.

Ares: No.

Henry: Yes.

Ares: NO!

AIA: Go, Ares.

Ares: Bu..but.. but I'm awesome!

AIA: I know that. but we've already deprived Henry of one pick, so go ahead.

Ares: -sigh- let me get my fur straightener and eyeliner...

AIA, Ripred, Twitchtip, Twirtongue, Gregor, Howard, Luxa, Henry, Aurora, Bane, and Temp: -cough- emo bat -cough-

Ares: -glares-

Twirltongue: My pick?

AIA: Sure.

Twirltongue: AIA.

AIA: I'm the _host._ You can't pick me.

Twirltongue: Yes, I can.

AIA: But... no... you can't.

Twirltongue: Yes, I can.

AIA: Maybe you can...

Ripred: -hits AIA- No, she cant!

Twirltongue: -glares- Fine, then. I'll take the crawler.

Temp: Go, must I, go?

AIA: Sorry, Temp.

Henry: Henry's turn!

AIA: Yes.

Henry: Ooh! Ooh! I want Howard!

Howard: -sigh- Fine.

Twirltongue: My pick?

AIA: Yep.

Twirltongue: You there, in the back. Lizard-thing.

Frill: It'ssssssss Frrriiiiiiiiillllll.

AIA: Hey! It's Frill!

Twirltongue: Whatever. You're here.

Frill: -scowls-

AIA: Ok, whose pick?

Twirltongue: Mine.

AIA: Go ahead, Twirltongue.

Ripred: No, it's not her turn!

Henry: It's Henry's turn!

AIA: Fine! Just pick, everyone!

Henry: Luxa!

Everyone: No!

Henry: -protesting- but...but...

AIA: We've been through this already, Henry.

Henry: Fine. You there, Stripy bat!

Nike: Nike.

Henry: Yes, you. Cone over here.

Ares: -apathetic- company.

Howard: Ares, you have me, too...

Ares: Whatever.

Twirltongue: This is taking too long. Can I just pick the remaining -counts- six for my team.

AIA: Okay...

Twirltongue: Good. I'll take Luxa to keep her away from her inbreeding cousin, Silent bat with the yellow fur-

Aurora: Gold! Not yellow!

Twirltongue: Oh, lookie here, it speaks. That Halflander, the Warrior, the scentseer, and the crazy one in front there.

Hamnet: Me?

Twirltongue: -sarcastic- No, the other lunatic that hid in the jungle from his mother for ten years. Of course you!

Henry: So... I get... -glances around- Ripred, Cartesian, any random Henry Fangirl, plus Spencer and Aaron from Underoath.

AIA: -summons random Henry Fangirl-

Maeve: Henry!

Henry: The ladies loooove Henry!

Luxa: -glares from the other team-

AIA: Ok, that's all taken care of... Go build a camp.

Ripred: Where?

AIA: I don't know, wander the deadlands a bit...

Twirltongue: Ok, Team Twirltongue-

Twitchtip: I'm not referring to us as that.

Twirltongue: -shoots look- Are you ready?

Aaron: -sings- This is the moment that we all live for. Are you ready?

Spencer: -echoes, screaming- Are you ready?

Ares: -bobs his head to the hardcore music-

Twirltongue: No, no, no. You're on _Henry's _team. Not mine. _Henry's. _

Bane: Yay! Music! -attempts to headbang-

Henry: -hums along-

AIA: This is going to be a looooong game.

Ripred: You don't say.

AIA: I did say.

Ripred: Ugh. This is going to be a looooong game.

AIA: I just said that.

Bane: -falls over dizzily-

Howard: You should do the disclaimer now...

AIA: True dat.

Howard: You should not watch Teen Girl Squad.

AIA: True dat. I don't own that, though.

Ares: Underoath is freaken' sweet.

AIA: True dat. I don't own them. Or their lyrics, which happen to be from the song "I'm content With Losing"

Bane: -still on the ground- I'm surviving.

AIA: -coughs- I don't own Survivor. Are we done?

Howard: Us.

AIA: Ohh... I don't own any of the characters except for myself, and I don't own The Underland Chronicles, either.

Ripred: Are we done?

AIA: It's only just started...

Ripred: -groans-

Bane: -hums Popular-

AIA: Oh, and that. I don't own that. That's from Wicked. Which I don't own.


	2. Competition 1: Tugofwar

Random announcer dude: Later, at the Team Twirl-

Twitchtip: I refuse to be Team Twirltongue.

Random Announcer: -shoots look- At the Team Not Henry-

Twitchtip: Better.

Random announcer dude: Ok, please stop interrupting now.

Twitchtip: Sorry.

Random announcer dude: -quits job-

Twirltongue: We're still Team Twirltongue.

Twitchtip: -smirks- Team Twitchtip.

Twirltongue: -growls- No, Team Twirltongue!

Twitchtip: Twitchtip

Twirltongue: -glares- Twirltongue!

Twitchtip: Twitchtip.

Twirltongue: Twirltongue!

Twitchtip: Twitchtip.

Twirltongue: Twirltongue!

Twitchtip: Twitchtip.

Twirltongue: Twirltongue!

Twitchtip: Twitchtip.

Twirltongue: Twirltongue!

Twitchtip: Twitchtip.

Twirltongue: Twirltongue!

Twitchtip: Twitchtip.

Twirltongue: Twirltongue!

Twitchtip: Twitchtip.

Twirltongue: Twirltongue!

Twitchtip: Twitchtip.

Twirltongue: Twirltongue!

Twitchtip: Twitchtip.

Twirltongue: Twirltongue!

Twitchtip: Twitchtip.

Twirltongue: Twirltongue!

Twitchtip: Twitchtip.

Twirltongue: Twirltongue!

Twitchtip: Twitchtip.

Twirltongue: Twirltongue!

Twitchtip: Twitchtip.

Twirltongue: Twirltongue!

Twitchtip: Twitchtip.

Twirltongue: Twirltongue!

Bane: BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANE!

Twitchtip and Twirltongue: -jump; stare blankly at Bane-

Bane: -giggles- Teehee. I tis Bane.

Luxa: Why an I stuck here?

Twirltongue: To help reduce the amount of birth defects within the general population.

Luxa: -blushes-

AIA: -spontaneously materializes- True dat.

Hamnet: Seriously. Stop saying that.

AIA: Why? It's cool. Teen Girl Squad is-

Frill: Soooooooooooooooooo goooooooooooooooood!

AIA: True dat!

Gregor: Can you shut up?

AIA: No. Why?

Bane: I boots! Temp shut eyes!

Temp: -snores-

AIA: You know, I've never seen him asleep before.

Frill: Truuuuuuuue Daaaaaaaaaat

Bane: Gre-go, we shut eyes?

Gregor: Ugh. -throws cookie at AIA-

Bane: Cookie!

AIA: -tackled by Bane- Ow...

Bane: Cookieeeeeeeeee!

AIA: -spontaneously dematerializes-

Bane: -mauls cookie-

Eddie the Flying Hamster: Helloooo!

AIA: Who're you?

Eddie the Flying Hamster: Eddie the Flying Hamster!

AIA: Why 're you here?

Eddie the Flying Hamster: I'm the new announcer dude!

AIA: No, you're not.

Eddie the Flying Hamster: Yes I am!

AIA: AIAAuthorCalls the shots. You're fired.

Eddie the Flying Hamster: -flies away-

AIA: -mutters- need a new announcer... otherwise I can't move between camps. -pulls out cell phone; dials random numbers-

Jonathan Davis from Korn: -sings-Word up!

AIA: You're Jonathan Davis, from Korn!

Jonathan Davis from Korn: -sings- Word up!

AIA: ...yeah. You won't do.

Jonathan Davis from Korn: -sings- Hey you, hey you, Devil's little sister.

AIA: It's okay. Don't worry about it. -hangs up; dials more random numbers-

AIA: Hello?

AIA: Hello?

AIA: Am I having a conversation with myself?

AIA: Yes.

AIA: Want to be the announcer?

AIA: Sure.

AIA: Great.

AIA: Ok. -hangs up-

AIA -is hung up on-

AIA: -teleports to Team Henry camp-

AIA: At the Team Henry camp...

Ares: -uploading a video blog onto myspace-

AIA: How do you get wireless internet down here? Or electricity?

Ares: You're the writer, not me.

Ripred: Why can everyone see in here, anyway?

AIA: Um... Lights in the Overland are...bright?

Spencer: -screams- I know!

Aaron: -sings- The light is blinding to the naked eye.

Howard: Must you always do that?

AIA: Yes, they must!

Howard: Why?

AIA: Because I'm the writer!

Howard: But why?

Ares: -trying on skinny jeans- Because Underoath is freakin' hardcore!

Everyone: -cough- emo bat -cough-

AIA: How are you wearing skinny jeans?

Ares: You're the writer.

AIA: True d-

Ripred: -shakes head- Just stop speaking.

AIA: -glares-

Ripred: -glares back-

Nike: Are you here for a reason?

AIA: Oh, yes! I almost forgot. The first challenge is today. It will be located over that one river with the flesh eating fish.

Howard: -nods- What are we to be doing?

Cartesian: Where are the others?!?

Ripred: Ssh! She'll lose her train of thought!

AIA: -spaced out look- what?

Ripred: -slaps forehead- ugh.

AIA: What I do?

Ripred: Ugh... you were talking about the challenge...?

AIA: Oh, that. It's located over that one river with the flesh-eating fish.

Nike: -sarcastic- you mentioned.

AIA: Did I? Well, I must alert the other team...bye!

Ares: Whatever.

AIA: -spontaneously dematerializes-

AIA as announcer: Meanwhile, at the Team Twirltongue-

Twitchtip: Twitchtip!

AIA as announcer: Twirltwitch camp...

Twirltongue and Twitchtip: That is an insult to both of us!

AIA as announcer: Whatever.

Bane: Who are you? Ares? Ares is hardcore! His neck is fluffy. It tickled my teeth!

AIA as announcer: -ignores comment-

AIA: -spontaneously combusts-

Bane: Preeeetyyyyy fiiiiiirreeee...

AIA: Ooh! Crap! Wrong one! Hot fire!

Hamnet: Ha. That's what ou get for watching Teen Girl Squad.

Frill: Truuuuuuuuuuuue daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat

Hamnet: -shoots Frill a look-

AIA: -on fire- Ok, well, you guys have a -stops, drops, and rolls- competition -gets up- today...

Hazard: You are alight.

AIA: -running around on fire- I noticed...

Twitchtip: Your lungs are burning. I can smell burnt lung.

AIA: Good to know. Well, -stops, drops, and rolls more- it's at the river with the flesh eating fish.

Bane: Ooh! Fishy! I lik-a da fishy!

AIA: Must go... fire hot...-spontaneously dematerializes-

* * *

AIA the not-on-fire announcer: Later... at the river...with the flesh eating fish. 

AIA: -no longer on fire- Ok, for our first competition, we will be-

Bane: -poking river with tail- -chanting- fishy, fishy, fishy, fishy...

AIA: Playing Tug-a-war. However, as there are no spinners here-

Bane: -pulls tail out of water- I got one! He tickles!

Gregor: You have a tail now?

Bane: I gots a tail! And a fishy! I lik-a da fishy! I will name him Jim, and Jim he shall be!

AIA: -annoyed- -we will be using Henry as a rope. It's a one-on-one competition, so elect the best person on each team to fight over Henry!

Twirltongue: -points at Luxa with tail- You. Go.

Team Twirl-Twitch-Bane: -nods in agreement-

Henry: Ooh, the ladies looooove Schmexxy Henry!

Maeve: Henry is mine!

Ripred, Cartesian, Howard, and Nike: You. Henry Fangirl. Go.

Ares: Whatever.

AIA: It is decided! Everyone else, go sit down.

Aaron: -sings- Maybe we, why don't we sit right here for half an hour?

Everyone besides AIA, Henry, Luxa, and Maeve: -sit down-

AIA: -points at thin beam over river- Henry, you stand in the middle.

Henry: -stands in the middle-

AIA: Maeve, Luxa, you stand on either side of Henry.

Ares and Bane: -paint each others claws black with nail polish-

Everyone: -cough- emos -cough-

AIA: On three, start fighting for Henry -backs away fast-

Ares: -to Bane- Do you want to read my poems

Everyone: -cough- emo bat! -cough-

AIA: -watching through binoculars- One...

Ripred: How can we hear you if you're that far away?

AIA: -scowls- I'm the writer; I defy physics... Two...

Bane: -sings- I'd sooner die, defying gravity. Kiss me goodbye, defying gravity. And you can't pull me-

Twirltongue: -smacks Bane- Kings do not sing!

Bane: Oh... Not at all?

Twitchtip and Ripred: No!

Ares: Queen sings, though.

AIA: THREE!

Maeve: -grabs Henry's left arm- MY HENRY!

Luxa: -grabs Henry's right arm- Mine!

Maeve: -looking completely insane- Shmexxy Henry is MINEEE!

Luxa: -mad- No! He is MINE!

Maeve and Luxa: -pulls Henry's arms-

Heenry: The ladies looooooove Henry!

Ares: -to Bane- Did you hear that band? I have them on my iPod... so hardcore...

Everyone: Shut up, emo bat! We're trying to watch!

Ares: -glares- Fine. I'll just go cut or something...

Everyone: Ok! Be quiet, though!

Maeve: -rips Henry out of Luxa's Grasp- HA! He's MINE!

Luxa: -tackles Maeve into river-

Henry:-is abandoned above river- Aww... the ladies left Henry...

Bane: Da fishies are hungry!

AIA: -claps hands together- Well, I'd call that a tie. So let's flip a coin, shall we?

Ares: -fixing hair- Whatever.

Bane: Tails! I have Tails! Jim is still holding my tail... Tail!

AIA: -flips coin- Heads.

Bane: Darn.

Luxa and Maeve: -come out of river, half-eaten by fish, still fighting over Henry-

AIA: Ok, Team Twirl/Twitch/Bane, who do you want to vote out?

* * *

AIA: Hey, readers, You come in here! Pick which member of Team Twirltongue you want to vote out and post it in the review that you _will_ leave. Capiche? 

Twirltongue-----Bane-----Twitchtip-----Luxa-----Aurora-----Hazard-----Frill-----Hamnet------Temp------Gregor

* * *

Boring Disclaimer: I don't own TUC, Wicked, Underoath, or Korn, nor do I own any songs or song lyrics of theirs. 


	3. Competition 2: Insects and Incest

AIA: Now for the voting.

Hazard: Don't we get a tribal counsel?

AIA: I'm too lazy.

Hazard: So we're voting people off right here, right now?

AIA: True Dat!

Frill: Truuuuuuuuuuuuue Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!

Hamnet: Really! Stop it!

AIA: I have the ability to write, all of the votes, and a bottle of white-out. Don't cross me.

Luxa: What is white-out?

Bane: Bane is white! Bane goes out!

Twirltongue: Sooo... are you going to tell us who's voted off now?

Twitchtip: I already know. _I'm _a scentseer.

Twirltongue: -glares-

Temp: The votes, just read, the votes!

AIA: Fine. Ok, lets see...first vote...-pulls vote out of jar- Hamnet.

Hamnet: You lie!

Twitchtip: No she doesn't.

Twirltongue: -glares-

AIA: It's not _my _fault that you have no sense of humor!

Hamnet: Yes! It is! You're the author!

AIA: True dat. Anyhow... Next vote...-pulls vote out of jar- Frill...

Frill: Noooooo gooooooooooood

Hamnet: Stop watching Teen Girl Squad!

AIA: No! Next vote -mutters- please be Hamnet...-pulls vote out of jar- Hamnet!

Hamnet: This is an outrage! I am the only sane one on this team!

Twirltongue: Last time I checked, going to live in the jungle for ten years does not classify as 'sane'.

Hamnet: -glares-

AIA: Stop pissing more people off, Twirltongue. That's what got your head ripped off by the Bane over there.

Bane: -chasing a butterfly- Come back to me! Jim and I want to play with you!

Twirltongue: -blank stare- ...riiiiiiiight.

AIA: Not kidding.

Bane: -still chasing butterfly- Flutterfly, flutterfly...-giggles- Perrrrrrrrdy...

Twirltongue: Whatever.

Bane: Ares?

Twirltongue: -sighs- What's the next vote?

AIA: -pulls vote out of jar- Ha-

Hamnet: -scowls- Fine.

AIA: -shoots look- -zard.

Hamnet: Oh... I am not smart.

Frill: Truuuuuuuuue daaaaaaaaat.

Hamnet: -shoots look at Frill-

Bane: -still chasing butterfly- Come back, mah perrrrrrrdy flutterfly!

Twitchtip: That's not a butterfly...

Bane: -stops dead- N...not a flutterfly?

Twitchtip: It's a moth. It smells like a moth.

Twirltongue: -glares enviously at Twitchtip-

Bane: Bu...but...but I luff mah flutterfly!

AIA: -clears throat- Next vote... Temp.

Hazard: This is very boring. -ditches camp to chill with Ares-

Bane: Haz! -follows Hazard like a puppy-

AIA: Enh. -reads last vote- Hamnet.

Hamnet: I do not wish to leave, though!

AIA: Too bad.

Hamnet: I just will not leave, then!

AIA: You will leave.

Hamnet: But...but...

AIA: -summons army of Mary-Sues-

Hamnet: -is attacked- Nooo! The overpowered ragers that hook up with Howard are feeding on my flesh! Oh, the cliche, how it burns!

AIA: My work here is done. - begins to teleport-

Random Audience Members: Wait!

AIA: What?

Random Audience Members: You didn't count our votes!

AIA: This was written a looooooong time ago, before those votes were cast. Sorreh.

Random Audience Members: Not fair! Update faster!

AIA: Hmm... I'll think about it. -teleports to Team Henry Camp-

Henry: -whining- I don't have enough Henry fangirls! There's not enough Henry love!

Maeve: -holding Henry protectively- He's all mine!

AIA: -steps toward Henry-

Maeve: -hisses- Mine!

Ares: -wearing thick-rimmed glasses- Can you keep it down? I'm trying to read Catcher in the Rye!

AIA: How do you read without thumbs?

Ares: I don't care. Now shut up.

Ripred: Why don't you ask yourself that question?

Cartesian: Where are the others?

Henry: Shmexxy Henry needs more luff!

Aaron: -sings- Can you feel your heartbeat a-racing? Can you taste the fear in her sweat?

Howard: -shouts over singing- Can we do something to shut them up?

AIA: -sighs- Fine. Does--

Henry: -whining- Henry NEEDS more Henry love!

AIA: -glare- Does "them" include Henry?

Henry: NEED-

Ripred: -smacks Henry with tail- Yes. Very much so.

Spencer: -screams- Here is where we both go wrong!

AIA: -thinks-

Howard: -mutters- Here is where _you _go wrong.

AIA: -ditracted- What?

Ripred: -to Howard- Don't disrupt her. You were thinking... about peace... and silence?

AIA: -light bulb appears over head-Right! I've got it!

Cartesian: Where are the others!

Henry: -running in circles- I'm deprived!

Howard: -exasperated- Idea?

AIA: -excitedly- We replace Spencer with another random Henry fangirl. -snaps fingers-

Ripred and Howard: Are you sure that's a good idea?

AIA: -happily- Nope! -summons random Henry fangirl-

Lulu: -falls from ceiling-

Spencer: -opens mouth to start screaming random lyrics-

AIA: No you don't! -banishes Spencer-

Spencer: -sucked up by random hole in ceiling-

Maeve: Lulu!

Henry: Fangirls!

Ripred: -sarcastic- this seems to be a briliant idea already.

Howard: Agreed.

AIA: Better luck next time! -teleports away-

Maeve and Lulu: -fighting over Henry-

Henry: The ladies looooove Schmexxy Henry!

AIA: -in random plane of emptiness- Um...

AIA's Echo: Um...

AIA: Grr.

AIA's Echo: Grr.

AIA: Heh.

AIA's Echo: Heh.

AIA: Could be fun!

AIA's Echo: -d be fun!

AIA: Hullo!

AIA's Echo: Hullo!

AIA: Huzzah!

AIA's Echo: Huzzah!

AIA: Hmm...

AIA's Echo: Hmm...

AIA: TUC!

AIA's Echo: TUC!

AIA: Pwns!

AIA's Echo: Pwns!

AIA: Yeah!

AIA's Echo: Yeah!

AIA: True Dat!

AIA's Echo: True Dat!

AIA: Plagiarist!

AIA's Echo: Plagiarist!

AIA: Grr! -spontaneously dematerializes-

AIA's Echo: Grr! And a fine day to you, too, madam!

AIA: -appears at Team Henry camp-

Maeve and Lulu: -fighting over Henry-

Henry: Henry is SCHMEXXY, baby!

Ripred: Why in the name of Ripred am I here?

Howard: Did you just adress yourself in the third person?

Ripred: -exasperated- No, I referred to myself as "I". I've recently discovered the religion of Ripredism, however, where one -mutters "amazing"- giant rat is worshiped as the sole deity.

Howard: -disbelieving- You are joking.

AIA: No, there are actually Ripredists. -summons "Ripred Cult" badge- See?

Howard: Oh my God.

Ripred: You mean "Oh my Ripred".

Howard: No, I really do not.

AIA and Ripred: Yes, you do.

Cartesian: Where are the others?

Maeve and Lulu: -still fighting over Henry-

Henry: -limbs being bulled opposite directions- The ladies looooove Henry!

Ripred: -looks at AIA enviously- I'd get out of here if I could teleport, like a god should, AIA.

Maeve and Lulu: -stop fighting over Henry-

Lulu: Who's AIA?

Maeve: -takes one arm off Henry and points to AIA- She.

AIA: -bows-

Maeve: Hmm... AIA is three syllables. Which is too many. You are now called Aya.

Aya: Um... thanks?

Maeve: -nods-

Henry: -coughs-

Maeve and Lulu: Right. -go back to fighting over Henry-

Aya: Ok, I'll split. -teleports to Team Twitchtip camp-

Twiltongue: It's Twirltongue.

Aya: I know who you are.

Twirltongue: No, it's team _Twirltongue. _

Aya: O...k...

Twirltongue: -exasperated- It says "Team Twitchtip" in the text. -points to text-

Aya: Oh. Ok then -thinks in head- _Who even writes that?_

Twitchtip: You do.

Aya: Really?

Twitchtip: Yes, I can smell it.

Twirltongue: -glares enviously- Why are you even here?

Aya: Oh, right! New challenge!

Luxa: -hopeful- So we will be seeing Henry's team?

Hazard: -cough- Incest -cough-

Bane: Insects? Insects! Buggy! -runs around looking for bugs-

Aurora: -impatiently- What is this challenge, Overlander?

Twirtongue: It speaks!

Aurora: -blushes-

Aya: Um... capture the flag, in the Jun-

Bane: BUGGY!

Aya: -idea- actually, you guys can get a taste of mosquitoes.

Twitchtip: What are mosquitoes?

Aya: -evil laugh- You'll see. You guys get to play capture the flag in the Everglades in the summer.

Hazard: What are Everglades?

Aya: A giant swamp-thingy with lots of bugs... -evil grin-

Bane: Bug! Bug? Where?

Aya: Just wait, little Pearlpelt...

Luxa: Just what do you mean by this "swamp-thingy"?

Aya: Um... I may have -cough- um...-mumbles- fallen asleep in Social Studies...

Gregor: And?

Aya: I'm not exactly sure?

Twitchtip: No, you aren't. I can smell uncertainty.

Twirltongue: -shoots envious look-

Aya: Um... yeah...

-awkward silence-

Aya: Um... -teleports-

**OoOoOoOoOoOoO**

Team Henry Camp

Henry: -being lovingly mangled by Maeve and Lulu- Gargh...errf... luff... fangirls!

Ares: What's with all the... fancy?

Aya: Fancy?

Ares: -points to decorative divider- Fancy. It looks like fringe.

Aya: Then you love it. End conversation.

Howard: What brings _you_ here?

Aya: Hey. Be nice to those who bend physics to their will.

Howard: Eh?

Aya: Stop being Canadian. And, yes, laws of science bow to me.

Ripred: I thought I was the God here...

Aya: Yes, but I'm the author -ducks random projectile hurtled from Maeve or Lulu-

Ripred: Yes, and?

Aya: Therefore, I control what happens.

Cartesian: Wh--

Aya: Over there.

Cartesian: Thank you. -trots off to imaginary "others"-

Howard: Can you give an example?

Aya: -reorders periodic table- Haha! Now Bromine is an Alkali metal... thet will throw them all off!

Howard: With something tangible?

Aya: Um... -points at Ares's diary- Watch.

Ares: It's a journal, not a diary.

Aya: Whatever.

-diary bursts into flames-

Ares: -whiny- I hate you! You're ruining my life!

Ripred: Is there a reason you're here?

Aya: Ah. Competition! Wait... except for the fangirls scrapping for Henry, it's awfully quiet...

Howard and Ripred: -shifty eyes-

Aya: -shrugs- What was I saying?

Howard: Something about a competition and nothing about all about how we may or may not have Aarn tied up unconscious somewhere.

Ripred: -hits Howard with tail-

Howard: Ow! That hurts.

Aya: Ok. Um, that's right, I was saying something about... the Everglades. You've got a competition there... in about six seconds. -teleports-

**O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O**

The Everglades, Underland, mosquito mating season, the summer.

Ares: -unenthusiastically- Hey, you changed the fringe.

Aya: Yes, I did.

Ares: And it's so humid. The air is making my fur frizzy...

Aya: Deal.

Bane: -still looking for buggy- Buggy, buggy, buggy...

Henry: -being pretty much torn apart- Can't we just-- ow, watch the sexy hair-- share the Henry?

Maeve and Lulu: -in unison- No!

Nike: -flares wings- I haven't had a speaking part in far too long!

Aya: I honestly forgot you were here...

Nike:-sarcastically- Thanks.

Aya: Of course. Or, shall I say, Claro que si.

Ripred: Que?

Aya: Pon tus zapatos en el horno y comelos.

Ripred: Why would I want to put my shoes, which I don't have, in the oven and eat them?

Aya: Tu gato es un fuego.

Ripred: The reason that my cat is a fire is not a reason to eat perfectly acceptable, not necessary, rat-shoes.

Howard: They make rat shoes?

Twirltongue: I have heard of them.

Twitchtip: Liar.

Twirltongue: It's true!

Twitchtip: Liar.

Twirltongue: It's true!

Twitchtip: Liar.

Twirltongue: It's true!

Twitchtip: Liar.

Twirltongue: It's true!

Twitchtip: Liar.

Twirltongue: It's true!

Twitchtip: Liar.

Twirltongue: It's true!

Twitchtip: Liar.

Twirltongue: It's true!

Twitchtip: Liar.

Twirltongue: It's true!

Twitchtip: Liar.

Twirltongue: It's true!

Twitchtip: Liar.

Twirltongue: It's true!

Twitchtip: Liar.

Twirltongue: It's true!

Twitchtip: Liar.

Twirltongue: It's true!

Twitchtip: Liar.

Twirltongue: It's true!

Twitchtip: Liar.

Twirltongue: It's true!

Twitchtip: Liar.

Twirltongue: It's true!

Twitchtip: Liar.

Twirltongue: It's true!

Bane: True Lies! Ahnold de Govenator! Yay!

Aya: That's actually a decent movie.

Gregor: I've never seen it.

Maeve and Lulu: -look away from Henry- Me neither.

Ripred: Don't bother, the plot was awful.

Howard: And Arnold's accent threw the whole thing off.

Hazard: But, of course, the accent is the best part.

Luxa: Jamie Lee Curtis was pretty much wasted through the whole thing, though.

Aurora: The mixture of comedy and super-agent spectacle works well at first. But when Schwarzenegger's family and working worlds link up -- an inevitable development -- the plot becomes increasingly ridiculous and overwrought.

Twirltongue: Woah... you spoke!

Aurora: -blush and glare-

Cartesian: Ahnold needed to find the Others. Where were the others?

Henry: -from whirlwind of debris caused by Maeve and Lulu's brawl- Henrrrrrry...issssss...moooore...schmmmmmmmmmexxxxy...thannnnnnnn...Ahnooooooooooold...!

Disembodied voice of Hamnet: I liked it. What could be better than some nearly-mindless violence?

Bane: Cookies! And chocolate! And Twirly...-dreamy stare- ... And cookies!

Twirltongue: -disgusted- Ew. No.

Bane: But... but... -bursts into tears-

Ripred: Now you've done it... GO gnaw on your tail or something, Pearly. Oh... -sincker- wait...

Bane: Bane no gots tail!! -wails-

The Bats: -on floor writhing in pain-

Ares: Turn it off! I need these ears to listen to way-too-loud screamo!

Aya: What?

Ares: I said I need these ears to--

Ripred: What?

Ares: I NEED THESE EARS TO LISTEN TO MY MUSIC!!

Everyone but Aya: What?

Aya: Que?

Ripred: Twirly, give him your tail to gnaw on!

Twirltongue: No! Ew! The creep is NOT biting my tail until it bleeds!

Bane: EEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH WWWWAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH EEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!

Maeve: -distracted- Poor Pearlpelt. -glares at Twirltongue- Make it better.

Lulu: -takes Henry for self- VICTORY!

Bane: WWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH EEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

Twirltongue: -cringes- No...?

Maeve: -death glare-

Twirltongue: -reluctantly- Here... -offers tail-

Bane: -bites tail in half-

Twirtongue: -yelp- What!? O-My-Freaking-Ripred That HURT!

Ares: Now imagine that, but your neck.

Twirltongue: -bitterly- I can.

Ares: Oh...yeah... right... eheh...

Twirltongue:-nursing tail- Uh hunh.

Aya: Awk-ward

Frill: Truuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuue...

Aya: Dat!

Maeve and Lulu: -patting Bane's back- There there...

Ripred: So... on with the challenge?

Howard: Good plan. What is the challenge again?

Aya: -has forgotten- Uh...

Hazard: "Swamp-thingy"...?

Aya: ... it's coming back to me...

Bane: -soft sob- ...and then mamma died...

Maeve and Lulu: Aww...

Maeve: So sad...

Aya: Swamp! Capture the flag! That's it!

Ripred: Hallelujah!

Lulu: That's a song by Paramore. Very good.

Aya: No way! I love that song!

Ripred: Focus! Challenge!

Aya: Right... but I don't feel like explaining... -imparts knowledge of challenge onto Ripred-

Ripred: Fine, I'll explain it, then, seeing as I'm the only competent one here.

Howard: -offended-I beg to differ!

Ripred: She picked me, not you, so therefore I'm dominant. And let's not forget Ripredism.

Aya: Sorry, Howard. Maybe next time.

Ripred: -ahem- Each team goes into the Evergades-- interesting choice, Aya-- and tries to steal the other team's flag. Go to hell if you get killed-- that's a bit rude, don't you think-- get the flag if you can. Seriously, hell?

Aya: Instead of a prison. Instead of tagging, we're killing. And no killing people on their own side. And no rager-ing.

Ripred and Gregor: What?! No fair!

Aya: Rager is no fair. -removes rager abilities-

Ripred: -sulks-

Aya: Got the rules?

Everyone: -nods-

Aya: Good. Everyone get on your sides.

Cartesian: Where are the others?

Aya: That's getting old.

Cartesian: No, the others. We are missing two.

Aya: Oh...-counts- We're missing two.

Hazard: Where is Henry and Luxa?

Aya: Are. Where are Henry and Luxa. Hey... where are Henry and Luxa?

Gregor: -points light source at Henry and Luxa-

Aya: -shudders- I'm going to induce myself to vomit now...

Temp: Behind you, I am, behind you.

Lulu and Maeve: -team up on Luxa-

Luxa: -pretty much dead-

Maeve: Work here is done...-feeds spleen to coffee deprived vampires-

Aya: Ok, go whenever you're ready... -has seizure-

Everyone besides Lulu and Henry: -incapacitated-

Lulu: Henry is MINE!

Henry: Sure... urgh, stupid bugs -is nearly eaten by mosquitoes-

Lulu: -takes flag- Double victory!

Henry: -ow-

* * *

**The Teams:**

Henry--Maeve--Lulu--Ripred--Howard--Aaron--Cartesian--Ares--Nike

Twirltongue--Bane--Twitchtip--Luxa--Aurora--Hazard--Frill--Temp--Gregor

* * *

**Boring Disclaimer:** I don't own TUC or Paramore, nor do I own Underoath, or any songs or song lyrics of theirs. I also do not own True Lies or any of the actors mentioned. Although the statements are for entertainment purposes only and do not necessarily reflect the views of those of us here at Ares is Awesome Enterprises, they probably do.

**Vote for one member of Team 2 (Twirltongue--Bane--Twitchtip--Luxa--Aurora--Hazard--Frill--Temp--Gregor) to be voted off!**


	4. Competition 3: Sexy Sells

Challenge Three: Sexy Sells

Aya: Um... I don't know how I should open this...

Temp: Kick someone out, you should, kick someone out.

Aya: Good idea. well... I don't feel like reading the votes... who won last time?

Luxa: I believe it was us.

Nike: If you mean you and Henry, I do not consider that a victory. And I know victory.

Hazard: I know that I lost... my lunch.

Ripred: My team won, as always. Kick someone out now.

Aya: -sigh- fine. But you know how much of a pain it is to go find the votes?

Ares: Do you know how much of a pain it is to be alive?

Gregor: Shut up, emo bat.

Ares: -whiny voice- Why does the whole world hate meeeeee?

Howard: Kick someone out already!

Aya: Fine. I'm just going to kick someone off of each team... Actually, we're getting rid of two from each team. Because I feel like it. It makes this shorter.

Frill: -guuuuuuuuulp-

Lulu: This hardly seems fair...

Henry: Life hardly seems fair... I just try to kill my cousin and everyone and I have to fall off a friggen cliff! I mean, come ON! What did I ever--

Maeve: ZOMG Henry! -pounces-

Lulu: It is Henry! -also pounces-

Twirltongue: Not another fangirl moment... -sigh-

Twitchtip: It's going to last awhile.

Twirltongue: What, you can smell that?

Twitchtip: No, that's ridiculous. They're Henry fangirls, of course it's going to last awhile. Duh.

Howard: This is chaotic.

Cartesian: This is like when we mice were driven by the Bane.

Bane: Bane? Bane? I luff t3h b4n3!

Temp: A mess, this is, a mess.

Ripred: Hey... I don't have my rager powers back yet... AYA!

Aya: Hunh?

Bane: -singing- I tis Bane! I tis Bane! Tee hee hee, I tis Bane!

Rirped: -growls- You never made me a rager again!

Aya: Oh, yeah, that.

Henry: Watch out for the sexy! You can't damage the sexy!

Ripred: Fix it.

Aya: Nuh-unh.

Ripred: -venomously- Now.

Aya: Hmm... I don't think I will.

Ripred: You will.

Aya: Naah... I like it better when you're not pwnful enough to eat me.

Luxa: -at Maeve and Lulu- I want some Henry, too!

Twirltongue: Ripred, dear, now that you suck--I mean, now that you lack your rager... um... ness, you need to go persuasive instead of vicious.

Ripred: Really? You think so?

Henry: There's enough Henry to go around!

Maeve: No there isn't!

Lulu: Mine! Mine!

Maeve: Mine too!

Aya: -sigh- I feel so lonely... -puts Henry in a box for no reason-

Henry: Nooo! I'm too sexy to be in a box!

Lulu: -claws at box- Henreh!

Aya: -drags Maeve over- You. I'm lonely. Be my lesbian lover.

Maeve: Yay! Ok.

Ares: Oh, are we doing grief counseling? -joins-

Aya: When you and Lulu are attacking Henry, I feel so... left out. I mean, I know it's my job to be the host, but when was the last time anyone asked me what I want or what I need? -sob-

-silence-

Bane: -pats Aya's back- There there... ssh... it's ok...

Aya: -snivvel- It's just... just... sometimes I fell like no one likes me!

Maeve: It's ok, my lesbian lover, I still luff you. -hug-

Lulu: Aw, I like you, Aya.

Aya: -sniff- but no one else does!

Bane: Aww, sure they do! Right, everyone? -glares at everyone else-

-general nods and murmurs of agreement (or fright) from around the circle-

Aya: -wipes eyes- You guys are the best...

-silent emotional moment-

Henry: I'm still in a box here!

Aya: -completely normal and ok- O-M-R I just got the BEST idea ever!

-blank stares from everyone, including the boxed-up Henry, who no one can see-

Aya: I can sell Henry in a box! Henry action figures!

Henry: Marketing the sexy!? You can't sell sexy!

Aya: Watch me.

Henry: But... but I won't let you!

Aya: You're in a box! What are you going to do about it? Nothing. Ha!

Twirltongue: That's it, Aya, gloat. You had the good idea, Henry's just jealous.

Aya: Why are you persuading me now? There's nothing to do.

Bane: Bane tis bored. I tis Bane. Therefore, I tis bored.

Cartesian: Transitive property of equality. xy, yz. Therefore, xz.

Bane: Say what?

Cartesian: If x is equivalent to y, or, "the Bane is bored", and y is equal to z, or, "I am the Bane", x is, by the transitive property of equality, equivalent to z, or "I am bored".

Bane: Ohhh... you tis Bane, too?

Cartesian: -sigh- Never mind.

Bane: Mmkay.

Ripred: This is the most pointless chapter ever...

Temp: Yet, no one is gone yet.

Box: -many thuds-

Henry: -screaming- THE WORLD IS DEPRIVED OF THE SEXY!!

Aya: Oh, are we voting someone out?

Ripred: -yelling- We were supposed to do that hours ago!

Howard: Aya, go look up the votes! Now!

Aya: Chill out... Umm... I lost them.

Aurora: How do you lose votes?

Twitchtip: Liar. You're just to lazy to find them.

Aya: Yes, and since they are not found, they are lost.

Twirltongue: Don't just stand there! Kick someone out, at least!

Aya: Fine, fine, grumpy. Um... Let's play Russian Roulette!

Bane: Roulette? Twirltongue says I'm too young to gamble... White 12!

Hazard: There is no white in Roulette.

Bane: There is now!

Aya: Everyone get in a circle! -pulls out slingshot-

Howard: Aya, I don't trust you with a slingshot...

Aya: Neither did all those pirates, but what do they need that other eye for?

Ares: -sarcastic- Hmm... maybe seeing... I've heard that's useful.

Aya: Silence, fool!

Gregor: Can we start?

Aya: Well, since it was you that asked... no.

Gregor: -grumbles- Can someone else ask?

-silence-

Gregor: Well, don't everyone shout at once.

-more silence-

Twitchtip: -sigh- can we start now?

Aya: Sure! -spins around in circle and fires rock-

Gregor: -hit in forehead- Ow! That hit my eye!

Aya: You're still out.

Gregor: You're still mean!

Aya: -grin- Next! -starts spinning-

Gregor: I refuse to leave! I'm not going anywhere with this injustice! I'll get a lawyer! I'll sue! I'll... I'll... -is swallowed up by a swarm of Banelets-

Bane: Babbehs!

Aya: No, that's not here. You say that in Heaven and Hell, but not here, ok?

Bane: I ish sorreh...

Aya: Ok. -launches two more rocks-

Frill and Temp: -hit by rocks and dissolve-

Aya: Mmkay, one last rock. -fires rock-

Rock: -ricochets off Henry's box-

Henry: Eep! I am too sexy to be gone!

Aaron: -is hit by rock-

Twitchtip: I honestly didn't know he was still here...

Twirltongue: And you call yourself a scentseer.

Ripred: Well, thanks to someone -glares at Aya- I can't call myself a rager.

Howard: Aren't we supposed to have a challenge in every chapter?

Aya: Uh... sure. Um... -thinks-

Henry: I'm still in this box!

Aya: Well, I'm too lazy to get you out.

Henry: GET ME OUT OF THIS BOX YOU RIPRED DAMNED SON OF A GNAWER's SPLEEN--

Bane: -shrieking- BAD WORDS BAD WORDS LALALALALA -covers ears- LALALALALALALALALALALA

Henry: --YOU RIGID NIBBLER CORPSE IF YOU DON'T GET ME OUT OF THIS BOX, I SWEAR TO--

Bane: -screaming at top of lungs- LA! LA! LA! -pants for breath- LA! LA! LA, I SAID, LA!

Henry: --I AM BEING DEPRIVED OF FANGIRL TIME AND I DEMAND THAT YOU GET ME OUT OF THIS WRETCHED TORTURE DEVICE, OR ELSE I SHALL CUT OUT YOUR COLON AND SAFETY PIN IT TO GRAMMAR-DEPRIVED CHATSPEAKERS, WHO WILL--

Ripred: -causes ground to shake- SILENCE, MORTALS!

Howard: I thought you lost your rager-ness...?

Ripred: I'm still god.

Aya: Ok, fine. Since I'm too lazy, the challenge is to get Henry out of the box.

Luxa, Lulu, and Maeve: -pounce on box-

Ares: He can rot in there for all I care, the little traitor.

Ripred: Count me out of this one...

Howard: -nods sadly- Since my undying love is for Gr... I mean is not for Henry... um.. I'm not a Fangirl, so I can't participate very well...

Twirltongue: Agreed. It would be a hazard to my health to even try.

Hazard: What?

Twirltongue: -sigh-

Bane: Dey ish being meany heads to de box!!

Box: -destroyed-

Aya: Um... how do we know who got Henry out?

Ripred: Isn't it your job to know?

Aya: Yeah... but... but.. I'm incompetent... you said so yourself... -bites nails-

Ripred: -sigh-

Aya: mmkay, I guess by whoever has Henry.

Twirltongue: -glances at vortex where Henry should be standing- That will be a tough one to call...

Aya: -gets down on knees and bows head- Ripred, they all have Henry. What do I do, Ripred? I need Your guidance. Please help me be strong, O Ripred, and be a fair and just judge. Help me see the answer through Your eyes. In Your pwnsome name I pray, Amen.

Ripred: -smacks Aya with tail- I'm right here, you idiot! Even though I deserve to be worshipped, you don't need to pray... when you're right next to me...

Aya: Really?

Ripred: Really.

Aya: Oh. So... Ripred, they all have Henry. What do I do, Ripred? I need Your guidance. Please help me be strong, O Ripred, and be a fair and just judge. Help me see the answer through Your eyes. To Your pwnsome face I speak, Ramen!

Ripred: -slaps forehead-

Twitchtip: It's pronounced "Raa-min," not "Ray-men"

Aya: Ohhhh... Ripred, they all have Henry. What do I do, Ripred? I need Your guidance. Please help me be--

Ripred: -smacks Aya- Ok. Fine. Um... it looks like... -sarcastic- Oh, I'm sorry, I can't tell without my rager skillz.

Bane: The Skillz dat Killz! -mutters- Killz me...

Aya: -grumbles- Fine. -grants Rirped with rager skillz-

Twirltongue: See, I told you persuasion works best when you don't have the--

Bane: Skillz dat Killz! -giggle-

Ripred: -pwns- Umm... -uses rager skillz--

Bane: The Skillz dat Killz!

Aya: Enough!

Ripred: -uses rager skillz to knock Luxa, Lulu, and Maeve off of Henry-

Henry: Oh, I have air to breathe!

Ripred: -tackles Henry- I win.

Henry: -pwnt-

* * *

Ok, so, once again, Ripred's team wins. You readers now get to vote off someone from Team Twit--

Twirltongue: Twirltongue!

-- someone from Team Not-Ripred to go bye-bye.

Team Not-Ripred: Twirltongue-- Bane-- Twitchtip-- Luxa-- Aurora-- Hazard

Team Ripred: Henry-- Maeve-- Lulu-- Ripred-- Howard-- Cartesian-- Ares-- Nike


	5. Competition 4: Miracles? We do threats

Okees! Ready to get started?

I guess… it depends…

On what?

Who gets voted out.

Ah… I could just tell you now…

No!

Are you sure? It might be—

I said no!

Really?

Yes. Hey… where did the names go?

I'm broke. Spent all my money on a concert ticket and shirts… so I couldn't afford to buy you all names. Oh, and Gregor sued me. That too.

Oh, feel free to put _us_ last. Thanks.

Ok, I will. You ought to be more grateful in the future. I could abandon you like Mastermind or Identity!

Ha. You wouldn't. We're too popular.

Try me.

You would not dare!

Oh, I would… -evil grin-

Hey guys…?

Mmm?

I have something I want to say while no one knows who we are…

Go on….

I love Henry!

-sarcastic- big surprise… actually, I have a confession, too. I used Pearlpelt to get what I wanted.

I had a big crush on Ripred!

I'm getting married! –mutters- Ohh… hang on, I think I can fix this…

Hey, is the other camp over here?

Yeah…

-makes out with Henry-

Aya, you might want to do something…

About what?

-continues confessing- I did Nike's mom!

What!? You did what to my mom!? Hey… does that make you my dad? The fur color lines up…

Maeve says I is teh sex! Yay! What is teh sex?

-lightning crashes- Well, _Aya_, we have no idea who is doing what, so for all we know, it could be Aurora making out with Henry instead of Lulu, Maeve, or Luxa… or Twitchtip that did Nike's mom…

-appalled- I did NOT!

Yes, and? Oh… hey, here's a button… -presses button-

Howard: I love Gregor! –sighs- Glad I got that off my chest while no one can tell it's me…

-awkward silence-

Twirltongue: I hate to burst your rainbow-colored bubble, Howard, but… -clears throat and points up-

Howard: Oh… sh—

Bane: No bad words! No! Bad! No do the swear-y thing!

Twitchtip: Can't we have our kicking-outing-ness in private?

Aya: -sigh- Fine. Ripred, if you would?

Ripred: I'm allowed to get out of here?

Aya: Yes, if you take your team.

Ripred: -grumbles- fine. Always the black cloud with the silver lining.

Team Ripred: -leaves-

Aya: Mmkay. What were we doing?

Twirltongue: Kicking someone out.

Aya: Mmkay. Um… it's a tie.

Twitchtip: I knew that. So what are we going to do?

Aya: -pulls out slingshot- Yay target practice!

Hazard: It's not random if you're aiming…

Aya: -shakes head- You do not _aim_, young padawan. Let the slingshot speak to _you_.

Hazard: ZOMG—

Ripred's disembodied voice: -cough- ZOMR-cough-

Hazard: ZOMR I'm a jedi!

Aya: Okay, you now have a semi-major part in this story. Aurora… you don't talk…

Twitchtip: -through corner of mouth, moving Aurora's jaw with her paw- I can talk! I love to talk!

Aurora: -looks at Twitchtip oddly-

Twitchtip: I'm the chattiest thing around, see?

Aurora: -rolls eyes-

Aya: Ok, you're gone.

Aurora: -flies off- Haha! What now, bitches! I am OUTTA here! Woot!

Twitchtip: -mutters- Damn.

Twirltongue: So… we're down to… –counts- five? Me, Twitchy, Haz the spaz, Luxa, and—

Bane: BAAAAAAAAAANE!

Luxa: When do we get to merge?

Aya: When I decide that incest won't be a big problem.

Hazard: Master, teach me the ways of the force!

Aya: Patience, young one. All will come in time.

Hazard: -bows head respectfully- Yes, master.

Aya: Very good. I shall now depart for the Team Ripred Camp. I will summon you all when it is time for the next challenge.

Bane: Aya! Aya! Wait!

Aya: What now?

Bane: Tell Ares I says hi. –playful wink-

Aya: Ok, now that's hot. -goes-

-Team Ripred Camp-

Henry: -to Lulu and Maeve- I had the most awful dream! Someone put me in a box... and tried to _sell_ me!

Aya: Ooh! Buddy circle! -walks over-

Ripred: -snares by shirt; -scathing- No. You're not going ianywhere/i.

Aya: I didn't do it!

Ripred: I don't care what you did. Quite frankly, I'm pissed.

Aya: -eep-WhutIdo?

Howard: -pulls out knife and walks over- Not what you did, but what you will do.

Ripred: And what you did.

Howard: -mafia- See, we's getting' a bit tired of all you Henry-based challenges.

Ripred: -smokes cigar- An' we's thinkin' you's gonna do somethin' 'bout it.

Howard: -picks fingernails with knife- Yea'. While Henry may have gorgeous hair an' perfect teeth, and a nice body, and sparkling eyes, and a proportionate ratio of feet-to--

Ripred: -smacks with fedora- The point is, the next challenge will not be Henry-based. Capiche?

Aya: -salutes- Yessir!

Ripred: Good. Now Howard, I need to speak to you... -drags Howard off-

Aya: So... um... -is alone- I should have a conversation with myself!

Aya: Great idea! I'm so much better to talk to than anyone else. I really get... me...

Aya: I know, right!

Aya: Totally!

Aya: This is great! Oh, I know what you're about to say next!

Aya: Really? What?

Aya: You were about to say "Really? What?"! Oh, I'm so good...

Aya:Not as good as me!

Aya: Pssh, I'm better than you!

Aya: No, I'm the best. At everything!

Aya: No, I am!

Aya and Aya: FIGHT TO THE DEATH!

Aya: -pulls out machete-

Aya: -pulls out machete-

Aya: -Cartoonish cliché fashion- Ego UP!

Aya: Cut the crap! Let's just fight already, eh?

Aya: Ok. -cuts Aya's head off- I did. Ooh... shoot, that was an insult to myself. Hum. Ah, well. I was right when I said a room full of my clones would kill each other... I guess you just need two... Now this leaves a few questions. Am I the clone or the original? -counts old posts- Ok, looks like I'm the original. But of course. Who else could kill me? It would be a challenge to even Ripred...

Ripred's voice (as burning bush): That's blasphemy!

Aya: Shove it. The onlything anyone could kill me at is basket ball... hmm... challenge... basketball... two... and two... (3.5?) Four! We'll have a basketball game!

Ripred's voice (as burning bush): -huffs- At least it's not Henry related...

Aya: -'I does teh teleport-y thingy'-

Luxa: Why are our uniforms _pink!?_

Twitchtip: -sniffs- _Twirltongue_ here washed the white jerseys with the red shorts.

Twirltongue: WHAT!? You're wrong this time. I don't _do_ laundry! -huffs-

Ares: Good, at least _our_ uniforms are black. White lettering? Gold would be better... It compliments my fur.

Maeve: -pulls out switchblade-

Everyone besides Ripred and Henry: -jump back-

Aya: Have you had that the whole time?

Maeve: -nods and cuts number off jersey-

Ares: -observes- Bane, you look cute in the pink. It matches your eyes.

Bane: -blushes-

Maeve: -pinning number on her hoodie- That's hot.

Howard: -sigh- what are we doing?

Aya: Basketball. There are rules and stuff... but I don't know 'em. Just do whatever the hell you feel like, and I'ma gunna keep score. Fore! -tosses basketball up into air-

Ripred: -jumps for ball-

Bane: -snatches in mouth-

Twirltongue: Go, Pearlpelt!

Bane: -spits ball out- Icky!

Twitchtip: Wow... that went in... Go, Bane!

Bane: Teh Bane is Ballin'!

Aya: 2 points Team Not-Ripred, 0 points Team Ripred! -cough- get on it, rager face.

Ripred: FOOLISH MORTAL! -thunder clashes-

Aya: Yeah, you aren't scaring me right now.

The earth splits an heaves. Vicious winds swirl around the court as a disembodied voice clashes with thunder. A torrential downpour assaults the two teams and host. It is next to impossible to hear anything through The Voice, the wind and rain, and the Bane screaming. Luxa appears to be using Henry as a tarp.

The Voice (clearly Ripred): YOU WILL BOW TO MY WILL, MORTAL. I AM THE SUPREME ONE ON THIS EARTH, AND SHALL BE TREATED AS SUCH. FAIL TO ACKNOWLEDGE MY EXTREME PWN, AND YOU SHALL SUFFER IMMENSLEY WHILE UNDER MY JURISDICTION. I HAVE SOME INFLUENCE OVER THE RULER OF THE DEAD, TOO, SO DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT RELIEF IN THE AFTERLIFE. ARE WE CLEAR?

Aya: -shaking- As poisonous gas, sir.

Ripred: Good. Do not forget it.

Bane: -trembles-

Maeve: Ripred, you made him scared. Make him un-scared!

Howard: -shudders- I am now converting to Ripredism...

Ares: That was... Awesome!

Nike: may I ask how you managed to make it rain underground?

Ripred: I don't feel like it. "I told you so" and all prayers may be direct to my fan office. I know. No.

Twitchtip: Who won that challenge, then?

Twirltongue: If I do recall, we were up by two before the... -cough- temper tantrum.

Aya: Mmkay! Team Not-Ripred is victorious for once!

Hazard: Yes, Master. Many thanks for being fair and just under peer pressure.

Ripred: -snort- Peer pressure? Aya is as much my peer as Howard is.

Howard: So I'm your peer?

Ripred: Not a bit, you little fairy. Neither of you. Actually, there is one thing Aya has that comes close to matching mine: ego.

Aya: -to Lulu- he's just jealous.

Ripred: I'm not even going to bother arguing that.

Hey readers! Vote for one member of Team not-Rirped—

Twirltongue: We won this time

Aya: No way! Really?

Twirltongue: Yes.

Aya: I... I don't trust you.. people like us... no, don't listen to the lies!

Hazard: But Master, we did win!

Aya: Okay... I trust you to not lead me astray, young padawan.

-clears throat- Vote for one member of Team Ripred to be kicked out of TUCS! And thanks for reading!

--

Team Ripred: (Henry-- Maeve-- Lulu-- Ripred-- Howard-- Cartesian-- Ares-- Nike)


End file.
